1、The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man said, “You can‘t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent replies, “Then you‘re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can‘t kill my wife.”
The agent replies, “You don‘t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman‘s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn‘t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
翻译：
美国中情局要召一个刺客的职位。在进行过所有背景调查、面谈和测试之后，最终剩下三名候选人，两个男人和一个女人。最后一轮测试，中情局官员把其中一个男人领到一扇大铁门前，然后给他一把枪。
“我们要了解你能够无条件地服从所有指令。在这扇门里有你老婆，你去把她干掉。”
这第一个男人说：“少开玩笑了！我绝对不可能会向我老婆开枪的。”
官员回答说：“那你就不适合这份工作。”
接着他们要求第二个男人做同样的事。他拿了枪走进房间，5分钟后哭着出来，说：“我试过了，但我不能杀死我的妻子。”
官员说：“你不具备这项工作要求的能力，带着你老婆回家吧。”
最后轮到了候选者中的女人。她被要求杀死自己的丈夫。她拿枪进入房间。接着，外面听到了两声枪响。然后是尖叫声、撞击声、和什么东西摔在墙上的声响。再几分钟，一切都安静了。门慢慢打开，那女人站在那里。她把袖子卷起来，说：“你们这些家伙怎么不告诉我枪里没装子弹啊？我最后还是用椅子把他打死的！”（英语笑话 www.lyy5.com ）
2、An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher‘s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
翻译：
亲爱的老婆：
她的家人闻声赶来，发现电脑屏幕上留着这么一封信：
一个伊利诺伊州男人离开他已经开始下雪的芝加哥的家、要去南方的福罗里达州度假。他的太太也正好在福罗里达出差，准备第二天跟他碰面。他到了酒店之后，打算先给她太太去一封邮件。
因为找不到写下他太太邮件地址的那张纸条，所以他决定凭记忆发出这封信。可惜，他在输入地址的时候漏掉了一个字母，因而把这封邮件发到了另一位夫人的邮箱，这位夫人的牧师丈夫头天才刚刚过世。这个悲伤的寡妇打开邮箱，读完信后哀嚎一声、倒在地板上就死了。
我刚刚住进来，一切都准备好了，就等你来。
你亲爱的老公。
另：这下面还真是热。（原意指福罗里达州在芝加哥南部）
